


Panzerfaust

by Broken_Clover



Series: Unorthodox Love-Letters [1]
Category: Guilty Gear, Skullgirls
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, crack shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 02:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14559336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Clover/pseuds/Broken_Clover
Summary: A headcanon origin for the character of Panzerfaust, including sandwiches, family bonding, and a really weird shipping between an ex-serial killer doctor and a soldier man the size of a bear. Somehow, it works.





	Panzerfaust

**Author's Note:**

> Before the fandom is out for my blood, I'll admit that this is in part a joke, inspired by this tumblr post
> 
> http://skullocrusher.tumblr.com/post/97781302934/am-i-right-or-am-i-right
> 
> and so because I have no sense of restraint I ended up writing out how that would make sense. I mean, it really doesn't, but I tried. I am ready and willing to admit that this is likely the most insanely illogical thing I have ever written, yet for some reason I still kinda like how it turned out. Faust and Potemkin both have really interesting personalities.

“Potemkin. Come quickly. I need you.”

Six words, and a million questions ran rampant in the burly soldier’s mind. Why was Doctor Faust calling him? _How_ was he calling him? Where did he have to be if he had access to a black-tech landline necessary to call him?

Not to mention, _how did he even have his phone number?_

Before he could ask any of them, Faust’s voice came through the other end again. “I need you to come to the P.W.A.B. lab as soon as you can. This is urgent!”

That only lead to further questions, along with an uneasy feeling in his gut. The lab had been raided a few weeks back, only ending recently with the arrest of Crow and the destruction of those horrible robots that looked just like him. Potemkin was more than happy to leave the memories of that behind him along with the last of the incident report paperwork.

“Faust? Why are you calling me? What is so important-”

“Look, it’s hard to explain, but I really need you to get here, fast!”

Though he knew the man couldn’t see him, he glowered. “If this is a trick…” True, Potemkin was far stronger than the gangly doctor, but his bizarre brand of magic still posed a significant threat in combat if Faust wanted to fight.

“Not a trick, I swear! But it’s vital that you get here as soon as possible!” His frantic tone suddenly dropped into calmness. “Also, if you could maybe bring some sandwiches or something…”

“Sandwiches?” Now he was sure this was a prank. “I’m hanging up.”

“No, no no no wait!” The frantic tone came back. “I swear, I just need this one favor! You’re the only one that can help me with this!”

The whole thing still seemed fishy to him, but he groaned in defeat. “Fine. I should be there in a few hours. But if you dare try and pull anything…”

“Understood, understood! Don’t forget the sandwiches!” At that, Faust hung up.

For a few moments, Potemkin merely stared at the receiver, wondering what that whole conversation was about. He didn’t exactly trust the man, but he’d seemed very insistent and uncharacteristically serious- at least for the most part.

Shaking his head, he put the phone back and began walking off in search of sandwiches.

++++++

The longer he wandered the woods, the more skeptical he grew. Being alone with his thoughts made Potemkin realize just how absolutely absurd the whole idea was, and he berated himself for such foolishness.

The only reason he continued was out of obligation. He had promised Faust, and even if it was a waste of time, it would be over quickly enough. If Faust tried to pull anything, he could just leave.

The Bureau facility had been reduced to a half-crumbled building following the raid, but it was still an easy find amongst the sea of trees. He easily located the entrance and began wandering.

“Faust! Where are you located?” He called into the dark, empty hallways. “Can you hear me?”

“Ahh, Potemkin!” A familiar voice echoed back. “You’ve arrived! I’m so glad!”

Potemkin was already off and running towards Faust’s voice. “Where are you currently?”

“A couple hallways down from the door. It’s by a whole bunch of broken tanks, so be careful!” Momentarily, his voice dropped so it was hardly audible. “Yes, I know, food will be here soon…”

“Er, Faust? Who are you talking to?”

He could hear the man’s discomfort. “Well, that’s, ah, kinda hard to explain...just hurry up.”

After a bit more feeling around, Potemkin spotted the shattered tanks that Faust had mentioned. He remembered shattering them a while ago, mostly empty but a few containing bizarre, half-grown creatures that he had been more than happy to put out of their misery.

The nearby room was in a similar state, littered with broken glass and damaged stone. A pillar had been knocked over, which he quickly spotted Faust sitting on. Perched next to him was a little figure, someone he didn’t recognize from a glance.

“Ah, Faust! There you are.” Glass crunched under his feet as he approached, swiftly getting the two’s attention. “Are you alright?”

“You made it! Thank goodness.” Faust offered a wave. “I wanted to come meet you, but I didn’t want to leave…”

The child sitting by the doctor looked up at Potemkin with a pair of bright, confused red eyes. Based on glance, he couldn’t have been more than a few years old at best.

“Who is this? What is a child doing here?” He sent Faust a look. “Why are you even here?”

“I was sifting through the wreckage looking for any undestroyed documents. Didn't want anyone finding Crow's work and attempting to replicate it.” The doctor explained. “I stumbled across him while looking around. He doesn’t talk much, and I haven’t been able to understand what he says when he does.”

“Shy, huh?” Potemkin kneeled down in front of the little dark-skinned boy, who wrung his hands against the ends of his white hospital gown as soon as he was looked at. “Hey, there.”

The red eyes glanced up at him nervously, before darting away. “Wo bin ich...?”

“Huh? German?” The soldier glanced back at Faust. “He speaks German?”

“Apparently. That’s the most coherent he’s been.”

In his distraction, Potemkin didn’t notice the boy sliding off the makeshift bench. He was brought back to attention by the sensation of small arms grabbing onto one of his thick legs.

“Huh?” He asked, looking down. “What are you-”

“Panzer-Vater!” The little one cried, tugging on his pants leg. “Panzer-Vater!”

“How odd. It seems he recognizes you.” Faust eyed them curiously. “He’s calling you ‘tank-father.’”

“I know what it means, I can speak German just fine. Didn’t know _you_ could.”

“I can’t, really, I just knew that much. Do all Zeppians know German?”

“Most. Both German and Russian are common. German was actually my first language.”

“Ahh, that makes sense, then.”

“W-wait, what? What do you mean? What do I have to do with this?”

“Well, I’m not sure how he would know it naturally, but then again, this type of science and technology is something I’m unaccustomed to.”

“What are you even talking about?!” Potemkin’s voice raised into a snarl, making the boy pull away from him in fear. “Make sense, damn it! Who is this kid, and why is he calling me ‘father?’”

Faust let out a sigh, shaking his head. “As it seems, mister Crow was doing more than just working on robots. That little toy of his, the one that was messing around...it must have taken some physical samples along with whatever data it took from you.”

Dark eyes widened. “So...you’re saying…”

“He made a clone. A physical copy.” Faust continued. “Based on my studies, he isn’t human. At least not fully. It appears some Gear cells were mixed into the steroids they used to mimic the Zepp soldier program. He’s a hybrid of sorts, which I suppose explains the stem cells.”

“Stem cells? What are you going on about?”

The doctor fished a vial of blood from one of his pockets. “I did a few skin and blood tests. Despite his apparent age, the amount of stem cells present indicate he’s only a few months old. I’ve been told Gears age remarkably fast, but-”

“That thing…” Potemkin felt his hands tightening into fists. “Part Gear...it’s a _monster._ ”

“Ah- Potemkin, be rational! It’s only a child!”

“It only looks like a child. Before you know it, the thing will sprout claws and spit fire. It’s dangerous.”

He reached out for the small figure, but he quickly seemed to realize what was about to happen. The child threw itself at Faust, clinging fearfully to his jacket and burying his face in it.

“Warum ist Vater wütend? Was habe ich getan?!” Within moments, he was crying hysterically. “Ich bin verängstigt!”

Unexpectedly, Faust wrapped his arms around the child, giving Potemkin a glare through his bag.

“Potemkin. I understand your animosity. I know what a Gear, even a part-Gear, could be capable of doing. But killing a child is too far. Look at him. Do you really think that he wants to hurt anyone, even if he had the capability?”

Though he wanted to simply snap the thing’s neck and burn it, Faust’s pleading tone amongst the sound of crying forced him to hold back. 

As much as he hated to admit it, the longer he looked at the thing, the more helpless it appeared. Outside of the teary crimson eyes, there was no indication that it was even a Gear at all. It just looked like a terrified little kid clinging to the only source of comfort it had.

It was a bad idea to let his guard down, and he knew it. Despite that, Potemkin uncurled his fist and reached out to the boy.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- um, es tut mir Leid. Ich wollte dich nicht erschrecken.” He offered.

The crying waned. Slowly, hesitantly, the boy turned back to him, red eyes filled with caution.

“See?” Faust nudged the little one gently. “He’s big, but he’s not going to hurt you.”

Potemkin took a step forward and sat down next to Faust. He placed his hands in his lap, trying his best to appear nonthreatening. It seemed to work, and the boy seemed to relax a bit.

“Vater...Bist du mein Vater?” He asked, eyeing Potemkin uncertainty.

The man nodded in reply. “Ja, bin ich.”

He then turned to look at Faust. “Bist du auch mein Vater?”

“Nein, er...Ja, ist er.” Potemkin answered for him.

“Ohhh.” A look of understanding crossed his young features. “Ich habe zwei vater? Panzer-Vater und Großer-Vater...” Somehow, his tiny arms managed to cling to the both of them in a hug. “Und ich liebe sie beide!”

“Ah, Potemkin?” Faust sent him a confused look. “All I could make out was something about fathers. What did he say?”

“He asked if I was his father, then if you were. It seemed easiest to say yes to both.” In hindsight, he realized that he probably could have handled it better, but seeing how stubborn children could be, the prospect was likely stuck in his head now. “He said he has two fathers, tank-dad and tall-dad, and that he loves them both.”

“O-oh?” For once, Faust was the one who was unsure. “Are you sure I should be involved?”

“Why not? He seems to have taken a shine to you. And it seems he doesn’t have a family. Someone should look out for him.”

Faust seemed no less convinced. “But Potemkin, what are we going to do with him? How are we going to explain this?”

“We’ll find a way.” The soldier replied, surprised at his own assuring tone. "We can't just leave him."

Suddenly remembering the food he had brought, he slung the pack off of his back. Fishing out a sandwich, he offered it to the boy. “It seems like you were hungry. Would you like something to eat?”

He eagerly grabbed for the sandwich, all but cramming it into his mouth. Faust managed to stop him, pulling the food away.

“No, no. Don’t do that. Do it slowly.” He pulled the boy onto his lap and carefully tore off a piece of bread and jam. “Here.”

Potemkin fished out a few more sandwiches, handing one to Faust while munching on one himself. For a while, the three of them merely sat in the old ruined building, eating sandwiches like a family at a picnic.

++++++

“Ahh! Panzer! Faust! You’re home!”

“Hello, Gabe.” Potemkin reached out to ruffle a mop of dark hair. “Still on your best behavior?”

“Ja, ja! Very best, I promise!” The boy giggled eagerly, accepting the pats.

For Potemkin, the last months could best have been described as ‘unorthodox.’ Although, seeing as how it involved Faust and a half-Gear child clone of him, he wasn’t sure how it could be anything otherwise.

Still, that didn’t mean the oddities had stopped- although the doctor had been trying his best to make things easy. He had been the one to find the little apartment in one of the quieter districts of Zepp for them to live in, making sure it was well-suited for someone as large and strong as he was. He had managed to find a part-time clinic job to pay for half the rent while also being sure to stay home often enough to make sure that there was someone to watch their charge when he wasn’t at school, when Potemkin was busy doing government work for President Gabriel. Hell, he'd even been the one to teach Gabe English, so communication was easier. He hadn’t exactly been planning to be roommates with someone like Faust, but it seemed like he was willing to be serious and put in the effort, so her felt almost obliged to help in turn. As weird as Faust could be, he was at least genuinely earnest and caring.

It had been a bit difficult to explain, but Gabriel had actually been very accommodating for the first few months while the two of them were trying to settle down. The President had even been willing to piece together citizenry information upon being told that he was a refugee (not necessarily true, but not necessarily false, either. He knew what Gabriel would do if he knew the boy was part-Gear). He and Faust had managed to avoid any seriously incriminating questions and succeeded in keeping most of the information under wraps. As far as anyone else in Zepp knew, little Gabe was just an ordinary child, with the most interesting thing about him being that he was adopted.

Faust bent down to gather the boy in his arms, and was met with a tight, bone-crushing hug. “How is school going? Keeping on top of homework?”

“Ja, Faust! Already done!”

“Such a clever little thing. I’m so proud!” Despite having no blood relation to Faust, mere proximity seemed to have imprinted a similar brilliance and academic love on Gabe. He excelled in class, and on many occasions Potemkin had been notified by his teachers just how gifted he seemed to be. In honesty, Potemkin didn’t care about brilliance, but Gabe was passionate about learning, which was what did matter to him. As long as Gabe was happy.

The apartment living room had become a warm and inviting space for all of them, and it was far too easy to see who sat where. A large, reinforced couch served as Potemkin’s usual place to crash, while the lumpy armchair allowed enough accommodation for Faust’s long legs and lanky frame. Both were big enough to hold a second passenger, depending on who Gabe felt like cuddling up against that day.

The trio assumed their usual places, Gabe perched in Faust’s lap. The boy laughed, grabbing for his tank with one hand and batting at the taller man’s bag with the other.

“How was work? Tell me!” He pointed to Faust. “Faust goes first!”

“Ah, me? Rather quiet day today. Nothing too exciting.” He shook his head. “Supposed to have performed a leg surgery, but that was canceled last-minute.”

“Aww...” Gabe pouted. “You’re staying home tomorrow, right?”

“Of course! Potemkin, too.” Faust smiled under his bag, running fingers through Gabe’s fluffy black hair. “It should be perfect weather for a picnic. It’ll be fun!”

“Yaaay!” The irritation quickly morphed into childish glee. “I can’t wait, I can’t wait!”

Despite having only been eight months, Gabe appeared to have aged a number of years. Though he looked just a hair shy of nine or ten, there were times where he still held onto the naivete and eagerness of someone far younger. Neither of them had much experiences with Gears aside from the ones trying to kill them, so watching one grow was an odd thing to try and figure out.

A little finger was pointed at Potemkin. “Your turn, Panzer! Your turn!

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he was still basically a toddler, but he still never could quite seem to get Potemkin’s name right, no matter how hard he tried. ‘Panzer’ was the closest he could manage. If he were being honest, Potemkin would say the nickname grew on him.

It appeared that something about tanks in general seemed to excite the boy. He always carried around the little toy tank that Potemkin had pieced together from some leftover sheet metal, and never let it out of his sight for more than a minute or two. That had made the man a bit nervous, but Faust was quick to quell his fears.

“All children have their little interests. Some like animals, some like outer space. Gabe just happens to like tanks! Maybe it reminds him of his father.”

The thought made him smile, to the point where he almost forgot that he had been asked to speak.

“Oh! Apologies. My day was quiet, as well. Filing papers, going to board meetings...usual uninteresting work things. Gabriel did ask how you were doing, though!”

“I am doing well, Mister President!” Gabe gave a mock-salute, falling into more giggles. “I’ll get to salute him for real some day! As soon as I get as strong as Panzer!”

“Of course, Gabe.” Potemkin nodded. “But not yet. You’re still too young.”

If strength were an indicator, the boy would already be amongst Zepp’s highest ranks. While he lacked a malicious heart and was very self-disciplined, Potemkin could say with certainty that Gabe was already almost as strong as he was, and had the visible musculature to show for it. That was likely due to his Gear blood alongside the steroids, but that wasn’t something that they were able to really explain to him yet. The two of them just did their best to avoid any serious damage and quickly patch up the things that were broken by accident. Gabe never meant any harm, even when angry.

“No need to think so far ahead!” Faust cut in cheerily. “If you wish you life away, it will be gone before you know it! You’re too young to think about being an adult, Gabby.”

“Vaaaater!” The boy whined, crossing his arms at the nickname.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know. Still, you are excited for tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“Of course! Lunch time with my dads! How could I not be?”

Both men laughed at the enthusiasm. Faust pulled Gabe in for another cuddle while Potemkin got up to go make dinner.

For all the madness of their lifestyles, dinner was a pleasantly quiet affair. Potemkin had wound up being a skilled cook, so it was rare that anyone would have objections when pretty much anything the man made was delicious.

“Thank you, dad!” In his enthusiasm, Gabe was already digging into the pot roast.

“Table manners, Gabe.” The doctor chided, long tongue snaking out to slurp up some of the broth.

“Says you, Faust! You said I’m not allowed to stick my tongue out and you’re doing it right now!”

“Children, behave.” Potemkin cut in, teasingly. 

Faust gasped. “Oh, darling, how dare you! You’re breaking my heart.”

“I only agreed to raise one child, Faust.” Despite their sharp words, nobody had a hint of seriousness. Close quarters had long given way to silly, sarcastic banter. It just seemed to be how their personalities meshed.

“Do I need to call President Gabriel and tell him I need a new dad?” Asked Gabe, clearly enjoying the theatrics.

“Ahh, no need to go so far, Gabe!” Reaching into hammerspace, Faust pulled out a donut. “Early dessert if you take my side.”

Potemkin donned a look of mock horror. “Bribery? In my law-abiding home?”

“Both of our names are on the lease, dear. It’s just as much mine. Maybe even more, seeing as how I’m the breadwinner in this relationship.”

“Oh, really?” The soldier smirked. “I thought you were the trophy husband! Why am I even working, then?”

“No flirting at dinnertime!” Gabe yipped. “No arguing, either!”

“Fiiine.” Faust settled back into his chair. “It really is good pot roast, Potemkin. New recipe?”

“No, just something I pulled-”

He was cut off by a sudden, sharp knock at the door.

“That’s odd…” Potemkin looked towards the sound. “Were you expecting anyone?”

“No?” Faust sounded equally puzzled. “I presume you weren’t, either?”

“No.” Pushing back from the table, Potemkin walked off towards the door. “I’ll be back momentarily.”

Gabe watched him leave. “He’ll be okay, right?”

“What? Of course!” Faust pat him on the back gently. “He’s just answering the door. Be patient.”

The next few moments were quiet, but it was quickly made up for as Potemkin came barreling through the hall like he was on fire. “FAUST!”

“Eh?!” The doctor was already on his feet, sending his chair clattering to the ground.

“Someone at the door, says he needs you-”

At ‘door,’ Faust had sprinted off. Gabe sent an even more nervous look to Potemkin. The man’s tense expression offered him no comfort.

“W-what’s going on? Panzer?”

“It’s...everything’s fine, Gabe. Finish your dinner.”

Though he was no less uncomfortable, he opted to go back to eating. He trusted that, whatever was going on, Faust knew how to handle it.

++++++

“Alright, I do not know how to handle this.” Faust clutched at his paper bag, already worked up. “What exactly is wrong?!”

He’d manage to drag Axl off to the bedroom for the time being, dropping the Brit on the mattress just in case he collapsed again. Despite the stumbles, he seemed mostly aware, and was staring the the ceiling in a panic.

“I-I dunno, doc! It’s like I said. The holes keep appearing. I know I can’t do much about them normally, but this it out of control!”

As if on cue, a massive blue sinkhole appeared on the ceiling, warping into a dark cityscape that Faust was completely unfamiliar with. He kept a firm hand on his bag as the hole pulled on it, equal parts awestruck and terrified.

“Hey. Hey!” As soon as the hole vanished, he’d looked over to find Axl half passed out again. A light smack to the face brought him back. “You can’t stop making timeslips?”

“No! A-and I swear, sometimes it isn’t even just time! I look into ‘em, and I see nightmares I couldn’t even dream up! I think it’s starting to tear into other dimensions or planets or something!”

Another smaller hole appeared on the wall. Before either of them could look into it, a slimy pink tentacle forced itself into the room, wriggling and twitching. It managed to grab Axl by one leg and began dragging him off the bed.

“Oh, shiiiii- !”

Faust managed to grab his scalpel-staff from the bedside and arced it, cleanly cutting through the tentacle. A warped, otherworldly screech sounded before the hole closed.

“Guh, what the bloody hell…” Axl murmured, looking disoriented and dizzy as he tried to peel off the tentacle that was still wrapped around him.

“This is a very strange case...I’m not even sure how to go about this.”

“W-well think of something, and fast!” The man was already half-hysterical. “Do you know how many times I’ve almost been dragged through these damn things today?! Forget slipping through time, I don’t want to wind up in a different dimension!”

“Alright, alright.” Faust put up his hands in defeat. “I suppose my first hypothesis would be to see if it’s tied to your conscious state of mind. Would it be alright if I sedated you?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Axl nodded frantically. “Inject whatever the hell you want, if you think it’ll work.”

“Good. Try and stay calm, I’ll go find my syringes.”

The doctor turned to the door. As he tried to leave, though, he found himself walking into a small but strong obstruction.

“Gabe?”

“Dad?” The boy asked in reply, peeking around Faust. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing you need to worry about, Gabby.” Faust tried to nudge him back. He didn’t want his kid involved with this.

“Dad, who’s that man?” Without warning, he easily pushed by Faust, trotting over to the bed with his tank. “Hello? Are you one of dad’s patients? Is this a house call? Those are supposed to be at _your_ house, you know!”

“Faust?!” Axl looked at the bag-wearing man, both of them horrified. “What’s a kid doing here?!”

“T-that- he’s-” Faust reached out to the boy. “Gabe! You shouldn’t be in here! You have to get out-”

Yet another blue swirl tore the ceiling apart, opening it to the image of a dusky skyline. The pulling force was even stronger than usual, taking several loose objects with it.

Faust threw himself to the floor, clutching the carpet as hard as he could humanly manage. In the distance, he could hear the bedroom door slam open, with Potemkin barging in.

“Gabe! Where did you run off-” Immediately, his large hands dug into the doorframe. “What the hell is happening?!”

“I-I don’t- Gabe!”

The doctor looked up, just in time to see Gabe, staring at the ceiling in confusion as the force lifted him off of his feet.

“Huh?” He asked, eyes suddenly snapping open as he realized what was happening. “D-DAD!”

“GABE!” Potemkin let go of the doorframe to rush in. 

Gabe half-passed through the entrance, managing to grab onto the wavering edge of the ceiling with all of his strength.

“DAD! PLEASE!" He shouted, desperately gripping the ledge. "I-I CAN’T HOLD ON!”

“GABE!” Potemkin thrust a hand up towards the ceiling, as close as he could manage. “GRAB MY HAND!”

“N-nhh…” Straining, Gabe reached his hand out, slowly inching towards Potemkin’s waiting grasp. “Ah!”

At only a mere few inches away, his hand slipped, and he fell back out of reach. Potemkin tightened his grip, only to grasp at thin air.

“No! NO!” His eyes went wide in terror as he stared off into the hole. 

“DAAAAAAD!” Gabe cried, flying off into the darkness. Only a moment later, the vortex sealed shut.

“N-no…” Potemkin stared at the now-blank ceiling. The cream-colored paint blurred. It took him far too long to realize that it was due to the tears welling up in his eyes.

“I-I...Potemkin, he’s…” Faust sounded equally devastated, unable to even finish his thought. He stared at the carpet dully.

The sound of snapping plaster and a gasp of pain was enough to pull his thoughts together. Looking up, Potemkin had grabbed Axl by the throat and was pinning him to the wall, feet hovering a few inches off the ground.

“You…” Potemkin growled, a low noise that made the room shake. “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

“Please! I swear I didn’t mean to!” The Brit managed to choke out as he was being strangled. “I can’t control it, I t-thought Faust could help-”

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?!” The grip on the man’s neck grew tighter, forcing him to gag. “DO YOU?!”

“Potemkin!” Shouted Faust. The limber man threw himself around the massive arm, trying to pull it off before Axl passed out- or worse.

“Why are you helping him?!” He demanded, directing his hate-filled gaze at the doctor.

“It wasn’t his fault! I know you’re upset, but hurting him won’t fix anything! T-there...there’s nothing we can do…”

In one swift motion, Potemkin released his grip. Axl was sent sprawling to the floor, clutching his neck as air filled his lungs again.

“I...I’m so sorry, mate.” Axl wheezed, eyes filled with remorse. 

“Shut up.” He snapped in reply.

With a heavy heart, Potemkin looked up at the blank ceiling. He tried to remember any details that he could of that strange place, but it quickly sank in that, no matter how hard he looked, he was never going to see Gabe again.

++++++

“Dad? Dad? Where are you?”

A chilly breeze made Gabe shiver, clutching his tank closer. He had no idea where he was. None of it was familiar in any way. All he really knew was that it was too cold for someone not wearing a coat.

“Panzer? Faust?” He asked the darkness. His voice skipped across the alley walls, to places he couldn’t see in the low light. “Can you hear me? I-I’m scared!”

He couldn’t see much in the fading evening light. Some part of him knew that it couldn’t be Zepp. It had electric lights like Zepp did, and paved streets, but it definitely didn’t feel like home.

“Panzer? Faust? What’s going on?” Gabe could hear something whirring by in the distance. At the alley’s opening, he spotted something boxy and metal woosh by. It looked like a cart, but had no horses pulling it.

Unsure and afraid, all the boy could think to was cuddle his tank. It was the only source of comfort he had. He desperately wished for Faust, for one of his dad’s warm hugs.

Quiet steps pattered behind. “Excuse me, are-”

“Ah!” Startled by the voice, Gabe reached down and scooped up one of the bits of damaged brick that littered the ground. He flung it at the voice as hard as he could possibly manage.

“O-oh, my.” The voice dropped, but it seemed that Gabe had missed.

The boy realized what he had almost done. “Oh, no. I-I’m so sorry! I was scared, I didn’t-”

The owner of the voice was a wrinkled, elderly man with white hair and a beak-like nose. Upon turning to look at him, Gabe noticed that the stranger had red eyes, just like him. 

“My goodness.” The man gestured to the brick Gabe had thrown, which was now deeply embedded into the wall by several inches. The hole was a mere foot from the man’s head. “You’re rather strong, aren’t you, little one?”

“Mhm.” Panzer always told him not to talk to strangers, but this place was strange and he was frightened. “I get it from father.”

“Oh?” While he was wary of strangers, Gabe would admit that the old man’s eyes did look rather kind and inviting. They focused on his tank. “I like your toy. Did your father give it to you?”

“He made it.” He tightened his grip on it just in case the man wanted to steal it. “You can’t have it!”

“Oh, no, no.” He held out his hands in reassurance. “I’m not going to take it away from you. Where is your father right now?”

“I…” Gabe felt himself welling up with tears. He wasn’t good at dealing with sadness, so it wasn’t long before he was crying. “I don’t know! I fell out of a hole and I don’t know where my dads are or where I am and I just wanna go home!”

“There, there.” The old man reached out to pull him into a hug. It wasn’t as good as Faust’s, but it seemed it was the best he was going to get. “I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure where your parents are or how it is you wound up in New Meridian. But if you want, I can introduce you to some people who might be able to help you. How does that sound? Good?”

“Mhm.” Gabe replied, still teary-eyed. “Thank you, mister.”

“Not a problem, little one.” And older, wrinkled hand grasped his small, dark one and began walking him down the alley. “I’m sure the men at Lab 3 would be more than happy to assist. They might be interested in looking you over, though, first. You seem remarkably strong. Is that alright with you?”

“Okay...”

“Good. You’re very well-behaved, aren’t you? I’m sure they’re going to love you down there. Hmm...I’m not sure I caught your name?”

“Gabe. My name’s Gabe.”

“Ah! Pleasure to meet you, Gabe.” The man smiled warmly. “My name is Dr. Avian.”

++++++

Not a single member of the Black Egrets knew where the man known as Panzerfaust came from. Though many of the super-soldiers on the team were products of Anti-Skullgirl Lab 3, his advanced natural strength, which he claimed he had from birth, indicated some sort of alternate origins. He offered no information on his past prior to Lab 3, and there were no other sources to reveal any information. The only physical indicator to his abnormal origins aside from his strength and size were his piercing red eyes.

Still, it didn’t manage to stop some of the impish members of the squadron. When asking him directly and attempting to root through his files yielded nothing, someone decided to try and swipe his arm-mounted tank for clues. Allegedly, it was the only thing he brought with him to Lab 3 aside from the clothes on his back. Panzerfaust had been insistent on holding on to the metal toy, eventually having it converted into an arm cannon and using it as a specialty weapon, almost never letting out out of his sight. Stealing it while he was asleep could have provided some kind of clue.

The Egret who did end up stealing it made a relatively strong recovery within three months. Although, he did develop a deep-seated fear of tanks and couldn’t be within 200 feet of Panzerfaust without bursting into hysterics.

The bear-sized man hunkered down in the Egret barracks, perched in a hammock designed especially for his size and weight. Work had picked up lately on their quest to track down the Skullgirl, and as much of a workaholic as he could be, Panzerfaust was ready for some rest.

“Hey, Panzy.”

He groaned a little, rolling his eyes. “What is it, Al?”

The Egret soldier sent his teammate a wry grin, looking across the room they shared with the other troops. Al could be a troublemaker sometimes due to his penchant for mischief. Yet for some reason, he had a tendency to chat it up with Panzer, who was neither mischievous nor talkative. At the very least, Al didn’t seem interested in swiping his stuff, only being loud.

Al’s eyes glittered eagerly. “We’re gonna get the Skullgirl soon, eh?”

“Ideally, yes.”

“If you managed to get the Skull Heart, what you wish for?”

Panzerfaust scoffed. “I couldn’t. Remember, you idiot? All wishes get corrupted. And even if they didn’t, the Heart only works on girls.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright. But like, if you could?”

It took a moment for the hulking man to reply. “I dunno. I don’t really want something that badly. Can’t think of anything.”

“Aww, c’mon, really?” Al sounded disappointed, with a hint of amusement. “You’re such a boy scout, Panzy.”

“Why? What would you wish for?”

“Parasoul. In bed with me.” The response was immediate. “Wouldn’t even worry about it backfiring. I’d be doing her a service!”

“You’re an absolute lech, you are. Y’know the boss would shoot you on the spot if she heard you saying that.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. “ Al blew a raspberry and rolled over on his hammock. “Dunno why I bother talking to you, anyway. G’night, Panzy.”

“Good-night, Al.”

In the darkness of the barracks, Panzerfaust stared up at the ceiling with an empty look. Despite his words, he could feel his heart filling with longing. Longing for a city floating in the clouds. For a man who was massive and strong but had the gentlest heart. For a man who was wild and manic but gave the kindest hugs. For a little studio apartment with a big squishy couch and an old armchair. For warm, homemade dinners and silly banter. For a place with no Skullgirls, no Medicis- only his fathers. For a place that, as every day passed, he could feel himself remembering less and less, but always missing more.

Panzerfaust settled down and fell asleep, dreaming of a happier place.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for my terrible German. I know I'm kinda rusty since I haven't taken classes in a while, so if anybody is fluent and notices an error, feel free to correct me!
> 
> So...yeah. Here's my acid trip fic. Hope it was interesting, at least! I really wish we did know stuff about Panzerfaust, I think he'd be a cool character to play as.
> 
> Also, this is the first fic in a series I'm gonna do of some GG rarepairs. This one just happened to be a crossover fic, too. If you have any pairing suggestions (gay or straight), feel free to submit and I'll consider!


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